Regrets are Among the Forgiven
by LauraBrittany
Summary: Set after "I Do." Santana and Brittany have an encounter outside their hotel room doors. Will they be able to forgive each others mistakes or will they live their lives in regret?
1. Chapter 1

Regrets are Among the Forgiven

_Part 1_

_Santana's POV_

The room felt cold, devoid of any happiness or joy. I kept staring to my left at the head of blonde hair beside me. No matter how hard I tried to imagine it being Brittany, it wasn't.

How had I let things get this out of hand? Why couldn't I handle all this crap maturely? But, most importantly, why did I sleep with Quinn, my best friend, twice?

I was such a fucking idiot. I was supposed to be holding my head high, proving to everyone that I was perfectly capable of being an adult.

I was supposed to be this powerful "girl on fire" living up to everyone's expectations.

When did I begin to resort to my old ways?

Actually, I knew that answer. It was easy. It was when Brittany told me she was not going to break up with Sam.

I had let my broken heart control my actions. It's not that I don't want Brittany to be happy. I do. I just wish they didn't have to flaunt their relationship in my face. That's what hurts the most.

Having to watch them together on the dance floor made me sick to my stomach. It should have been me dancing with her.

Watching Sam put his hands in places only my hands should ever be enraged me. That's when I knew I needed alcohol in my system if I was going to make it through this party.

That was my first mistake, turning to alcohol. It never leads to anything good.

My second mistake, was allowing Quinn to get close to me, touch me, dance with me.

My mind was trying to forget about Brittany. Yet, deep down, I knew my heart never could.

Now, here I am naked in bed beside the wrong blonde. I wanted to scream or to turn back time.

The air was becoming too suffocating. I needed fresh air.

I quietly slid out of bed and walked over to my overnight bag. I threw on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. Then, reached for my slipper shoes.

I grabbed the keycard and turned the knob on the door.

* * *

Once I stood in the hallway, I heaved a sigh of relief. I leaned back against the door trying to compose myself.

Just as I was about to turn to leave, the door opposite my room opened and Brittany stood there before me.

"Hi," she said shyly.

"Hey," I replied.

We stood there for a while in dead silence.

"Did you have a fun night?" she asked.

"Uh, it was alright. How was your night?"

"It was fun. Thanks."

Things were becoming awkward. I didn't know what to say to her.

"Where are you off to?" she questioned.

"I just needed to get some fresh air."

She smiled at me before saying, "me too."

"You and Quinn looked like you were having fun."

"Yeah, we were. I can say the same for you and Guppy lips."

"Santana, don't call him names."

"Fine." I hated how hard this was. "I was surprised you didn't even come over to talk to me at all. I kind of thought since we were still "best friends" things wouldn't be as awkward as they are."

"I'm sorry it's just that Sam and -"

"I get it. Don't worry," I said turning to walk away.

"Stop," she said putting a hand on my arm. "Don't be like that."

"How do you expect me to be, Brittany? You think this is easy for me? You think it doesn't bother me to see you with him? You think it doesn't make me sick when I can see him touching you?"

Her head drops and she almost looks guilty.

"I'm sorry. I should have thought about your feelings."

"Yeah, but you didn't. Obviously it's very easy for you to forget that I even exist."

"That's not true!"

"You know what, Brittany, save it. I hope you're happy," I said before setting off down the hallway.

"Santana, wait…"

"What?" I said not bothering to turn around.

"I could never forget you. You are everything to me. Why do you think I pushed you to New York? I care about you so much. I don't want you to sit around and wait for me. I want you to go and live out your dreams."

I chuckled. "My dreams?" I finally turned around and moved closer towards her. "That's the thing you don't get, Britt. YOU are a part of ALL my dreams. At least you were."

"Santana, I-I-I…"

She stood there looking deep into my eyes, searching for words to say to make things better somehow.

"You should get back in there before Sam starts to worry that you're lost."

"Damn it, Santana! Look at me!"

I did.

"Don't you see how hard this is for me, too?"

I shook my head not wanting to believe her.

Just then, the door to my room opened revealing Quinn wrapped in only the bed sheet.

"What the hell is going on, Lopez?"

My heart dropped. Things weren't supposed to happen like this.

"Quinn?" Brittany said, her voice quiet and shaky.

They looked at each other, trying to take everything in.

"Um, I'll just go back inside. Take your time."

Quinn retreated into the room closing the door behind her.

I couldn't speak. The words would not resonate from my tongue.

Brittany was staring at me, eyes glossy with unshed tears.

"Please tell me you didn't, please?"

"I—I—.."

"Oh my God," she said covering her mouth with her hand.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't stand seeing you with him. We were drunk and it just happened."

She was crying now, the tears were falling freely from her face. "How could you?"

I tried to reach out for her but she pushed away from me. "I'm so sorry, Brittany. It was a mistake."

"I don't know who I hate more right now. You, Quinn, or myself."

With that she turned away from me and ran through the hall towards the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

_Part 2_

_Brittany's POV_

I never looked back. I just kept running. This was the last place I wanted to be all of a sudden.

The hurt I was feeling, now, was indescribable. How could Santana and Quinn do this to me? They were supposed to be my friends.

It doesn't matter that they were drunk. The two of them in bed together was not something I ever wanted to think about. It was making my stomach churn.

I know I told Santana to find a "real" girlfriend, but I definitely didn't mean for it to be someone we both knew.

Did she want to date Quinn? Have the two of them always shared something? These were questions I didn't even want to fathom the answers to.

I stopped running and sat down on one of the stairs. My breathing was erratic. I needed to calm down.

Why was I so upset anyways? It's not like Santana is my girlfriend. She broke up with me.

Plus, I'm with Sam now and I'm happy.

I am happy, right?

Shit. Why was everything so confusing?

* * *

I sat there for a while pondering everything that had lead me to this point in my life.

I thought about Santana and our break-up. I thought about Sam. I even thought about the BIG secret I was keeping from everyone.

I shook my head to rid myself of all thoughts. Nothing made any sense.

Just then, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to see who the intruder was.

"Brittany…" I heard being whispered.

I would never grow tired of hearing her voice.

She sat down beside me drawing in a shaky breath.

"A few months ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I thought that if I set you free your pain would just go away. I figured you wouldn't have to sit around waiting for me. I thought it would make things easier and better for you."

She took in another deep breath.

"After I left the choir room, I cried for days. I didn't want to lose you. You have always been the one thing I've kept close to my heart."

"When I found out you were dating Sam, it literally felt like someone shot me in the heart. I couldn't breathe, much like you're probably feeling right now."

I turned to look her in the eyes. "Just about," I said.

She nodded at me and continued. "I came back to McKinley with every intention of getting you back. I didn't care if I had to fight for you. I wasn't threatened by your relationship with Sam because I expected you to just fall back into my arms. However, I realized that Sam was right. I let you go, Brittany. I let you go and you moved on."

I felt my lips curve into a frown. I had wanted her to fight for me. I did. Yet, at the same time, I knew I couldn't hold her back from her dreams. I also knew that if I had taken her back, she would have never gone to New York.

"I shouldn't be allowed to feel like this, Brittany, but I do. I can't stand watching anyone else be with you. You were supposed to be mine, forever."

With that, tears started falling from her eyes. I knew this was hard for her. Santana hates sharing her feelings. So, when she does it makes me feel incredibly special.

"I know you're really upset right now. Yet, I should be able to sit here and tell you that you aren't allowed to feel sad or angry because that's how you made me feel."

She stared right at me, straight into my eyes. "It hurts, doesn't it, Britt?"

I hadn't even realized tears had started falling from my own eyes. I didn't trust my voice, so, instead, I nodded "yes".

We sat there together in silence before my words finally found me.

"What hurts the most is knowing you didn't wait for me. I'm so selfish to think you would. I shouldn't be allowed to think that. Christ, I'm with someone. I just never thought you'd actually give up hope so easily."

"What hope, Brittany? You pretty much told me to go out and find myself a girlfriend. You can't tell me one thing and anticipate something else."

"I know that!" I said, raising the tone of my voice.

"I need you to tell me what you're feeling, Brittany."

My lips began to tremble. I was trying so hard not to cry again. "I feel empty."

"Why?"

"I feel empty without you…"

"What about Sam?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Sam is great. He's taken good care of me. He makes me laugh when I'm feeling down. He takes my mind off things…"

"Okay…"

"But…I don't have a connection with him. I mean I like him, but I could never love him. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does," she responded.

"He was just a distraction."

"So, then why are you still with him?"

I sighed. "I don't know…"

"Brittany, please, be honest with me."

I stood from my spot on the stairs, "Because…"

"Because why, Brittany?"

"Jesus, Santana…because I didn't want to hold you back. I didn't want you to stay here and wait for me and miss out on all the opportunities you could be making for yourself."

It was quiet again. I'm pretty sure we really could hear a pin drop.

"Sit down," she demanded.

I couldn't even look at her. I was too ashamed.

"Please, Britt."

That's all she had to do to get me to give in. I loved hearing my nickname roll off of her tongue.

I reclaimed my seat next to her and was surprised when she grabbed my hand. She laced our fingers together.

"I think it's safe to say we both have a lot of regrets."

"Yeah," I said as I watched her thumb slowly massage my hand.

I bit down hard on my lip. There was so much I wanted to say to her. It was becoming difficult to keep it all bottled up inside of me.

"We have a lot we need to talk about, San…"

"I know."


	3. Chapter 3

_Part 3_

_Santana's POV_

"I can't believe you slept with Quinn," she said, breaking the silence that was surrounding us.

"Like I said before, Brittany, it was a mistake. I regret it."

"How many?" she asked.

"How many what?"

"How many times?"

I swallowed hard, knowing she wasn't going to like the answer to that question. "Twice."

The sound she made was enough to let me know how disgusted she was.

"That makes me sick, you know."

I dropped my gaze to the floor.

"Like I literally want to throw up right now."

"I'm sorry," I said.

Her eyes found mine. "Is that how being with Sam makes you feel?" she asked.

"Yes," I stated, simply.

She nodded her head showing she understood, yet, I felt as if more needed to be said.

"I lied to you that day in the choir room."

"A-a-about what?" she asked worriedly.

"I didn't have an attraction to that girl in the library. She wasn't even good looking. She was like a troll hiding out in a shady-ass swamp under a Virginia Wolfe Bridge. She was all a part of my plan."

"What plan?"

"My plan to set you free. I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I didn't want you to feel like I left you behind."

"You did leave me behind, though. I mean you never called, you barely responded to my text messages. I felt so alone, Santana."

"I know. It's just that things got so hectic in Louisville. I hated it there. Yet, I didn't want to let you or my parents down. So, I tried making it seem like I was busy all the time."

"You never were, though. Were you?"

"No, not really."

"So, you used the library girl as an excuse to break up with me?"

"Yes."

"That hurts, Santana."

"Yeah, well, it didn't take you long enough to seek shelter in Sam."

I dropped her hand and stood from my place on the stairs.

"You can't use that against me, Santana. I told you when you came back for the play that I was still single. I basically put myself out there for you. I wanted you to see how badly I needed you. You blew me off, though. It didn't matter."

"Of course it mattered, Brittany," I yelled. "For fucks sake, I would have taken you back in a heartbeat, but I knew we would have just ended up having the same problems. I didn't want that."

She stood from her spot. "Well, that was when I decided to start dating Sam because you made it perfectly clear that I could date whomever I wanted, boy or girl."

I bit my lip. "I know."

"So, what happened? What made you change your mind?"

I swallowed away the tears that were threatening to spill all over again. "I couldn't handle hearing that you were with him. It broke my heart into a million pieces. I thought I'd lost you forever. You were supposed to always be mine."

"Yeah, but that was before you let me go. You couldn't have expected me to just sit and wallow in misery."

"I think a part of me hoped you would do just that."

"Wow," she said, crossing her arms. "Glad you think so highly of me."

"Brittany…"

"For your information…the only reason I started going out with Sam was to make you jealous. I'd say it worked wonders, wouldn't you? What I never expected, however, was to start liking Sam."

" I think jealous is an understatement. I wanted to kill him."

"I know."

I ran my hands through my hair. "I don't like that you're with him. There, I said it."

"Well, I don't like that you had sex with Quinn. So, I guess we are even."

"Yeah," I said running my hands through my hair.

I needed to ask her one important question. I was so scared of what the answer may be, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to rest until I found out.

"Do you still love me, Britt?"

* * *

She walked closer to me, tilting my chin up so that our eyes were in direct contact with each other. "I never once stopped."

It was everything I ever wanted to hear and more. Yet, I wasn't fast to rejoice. "Even now?" I asked.

"Santana, you are my world. Yes, you may make mistakes and use bad judgment at times, but none of those things matter when you're in love with someone."

I smiled, probably the biggest smile I had in months. "You're in love with me?"

"Yeah, I am," she said.

I wanted to kiss her right then and there. I didn't, though. We were finally talking about things. I didn't want to ruin it. The physicality of things could wait. We needed to be on the same page emotionally, first.

"I'm in love with you, too, Britt."

She smiled that beautiful Brittany smile and things finally started to feel like they were getting back to how they should be.


	4. Chapter 4

_Part 4_

_Brittany's POV_

"So, where exactly do we go from here, Santana?" I asked.

"I don't know, Britt. All I know is that I don't want to lose you. I want to be with you."

I felt the tears running down my cheek. She still wanted me after everything that we had put each other through. I had to admit, I would never want to be with anyone other than her, either. "I want to be with you, too!" I said, honestly.

"Yeah?" she questioned through a smile.

"More than anything…that's what I want. That's what I've always wanted."

"Britt…" she says, with fresh tears threatening her eyes.

I walk closer to her, take her cheek in my hand, and brush away her teardrops with the pad of my thumb. I search her eyes for the confidence and security she has always brought out and me. I smile before singing quietly:

_Right from the start, you were a thief,_

_you stole my heart and I your willing victim._

_I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty, _

_and with every touch you fixed them._

_Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh,_

_Things you never say to me, oh, oh,_

_Tell me that you've had enough, of our love, our love… _

She looked deep into my eyes before shaking her head, "no".

"I'll never have enough, Britt Britt. You always leave me wanting more."

I grinned from ear to ear. How could this girl be the one person to break my heart and, then, put it back together again?

She grabbed my hand in hers before picking up the song where I had left off.

_Just give me a reason,_

_Just a little bit's enough,_

_Just a second we're not broken just bent_

_And we can learn to love again…_

"Do you really think we can, Santana?"

"I know we can, baby. You and I are meant for each other."

"Yeah, we definitely are," I said in agreement.

She leaned in closer to me, brushing my nose with hers. I closed my eyes in anticipation of a kiss. She graced my lips with one seconds later.

It was soft and hesitant. It was as if she was scared to claim my mouth with hers. Instantly, I knew what was wrong.

"Don't worry, I'm going to break up with him first thing in the morning."

"Promise?"

"I promise," I say, linking our pinkies together.

I laced my fingers through hers and asked her to follow me back upstairs. It was getting late and we both needed sleep. It had been a long, emotionally exhausting night.

"Come on, let's go back to our rooms."

She followed my lead, allowing me to pull her along up the stairs after me.

* * *

When we got to our floor, I turned towards Santana unsure of where to leave things between us for the night.

I figured if we were going to work things out that I needed to start being honest with her.

"You need to go back to New York," raced out from my mouth before I could stop it.

"What? Why? I thought we were going to be together?"

"We will be. I mean…we're going to be."

"I don't understand, Britt…"

"Just hear me out…okay?"

She nodded, "okay."

"You belong in New York, Santana. Good things are about to happen for you. I can feel it. So, you can't stay here, in Lima. I won't let you give up your dreams, sweetie."

"But…I need to be where you are. I'm lost without you, Brittany."

"I'll be with you, always…right here," I said, placing my hand on her heart. "I need to start focusing on MY future. I need to keep pulling my grades up so that I can kick ass on my final exams. I'm going to graduate, hunnie, and, then, I'm coming to New York so that we can be together again."

"Britt…"

"No, Santana. This is how it has to be. You can't always be the one taking care of me. I need to take care of you. You need to do this…for me."

"H-h-how do you know it will work for us this time…the distance?"

I smiled, then, leaned down to press a kiss to her lips. It was a kiss full of longingness.

"I know it will work because I'm in love with you and you are in love with me. I believe anything is possible as long as we have each other."

She smirks at me before reclaiming my lips with hers. "You've always been the smartest girl I've ever known, Brittany. Please, don't ever let anyone tell you differently."

"I won't. I promise."

Just as I was leaning in for another kiss, the door to Santana's room opened and Quinn stepped out.

"Can we talk?" she said apprehensively.

I looked at her, anger seething within me. I really didn't have a justifiable reason to be mad at Quinn. I just couldn't look at her right now without wanting to slap her across the face. If anyone could make me a jealous person, it was Quinn. I always envied her relationship with Santana.

"I promise we will talk soon. I just can't right now…it's too soon." I said.

"Don't hate me."

"I don't hate you, Quinn. I just need time."

"Okay…I can give that to you."

"Thanks."

She turned her attention to Santana, "I'll sleep on the recliner."

"It's okay Quinn…you don't have to…"

"Actually," I said speaking up, "that would make me feel a lot better."

"It's a done deal then. I'll leave you two alone to say goodnight."

With that she closed the door and left me alone with Santana.

* * *

"I'll see you in the morning, then?" she asked.

"Definitely. Have sweet dreams, sweetie."

"You, too, babe."

We leaned in for another kiss, this one deeper and longer than the others. We separated from each other. I smiled, leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek, and made my way over to my own door.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

I walked into my room, shut the door behind me, and let out a shaky breath. She was the one for me; she was my true love, my life, and my soul mate. We were going to make this work. I was sure of it.

**Song: Just Give Me A Reason P!nk featuring Nate Ruess**


End file.
